Unapproved Friday VL…

January 29/ Friday
I was on leave this day to go with my father for his second dialysis session. Scared at first but seeing him put up a straight brave face made me calm my nerves. His schedule was 2 PM but we were there early, we asked the receptionist/ guard to put his name on the list. We were scheduled on the next batch, so we just waited for about an hour or so, then it was his turn. We were settled on the second chair from the door. As my father was being prepped up for his dialysis session, I could not look into his face, I don’t want to see him in pain. Well the needle insertion and the rest of the procedure went well.

The procedure lasted for 4 hours. I waited patiently for him, talking to him while we see other patients in the room. I saw people eating, watching TV, sleeping and talking like normal people would do. The only thing that differentiates patients from the nurses and other people there was the tubes that are connected to them. I brought something for myself to eat, since I did not eat my lunch at home. I was hungry at that time when we were inside the treatment room, but I was having a hard time to swallow and chew with all the blood that I am seeing, haha! Erk!

Four hours passed in a blur, I kept my self busy by reading the book Nice gave me. I finished the first book mind you. When I got tired reading, I kept my father entertained by talking to him. When I saw that he was sleepy, I let him rest while I watched some episodes of Vampire Diaries in Toshiko.

It was 7:30 PM, time to go home and I asked if he feels alright, I was told that it was normal to feel dizzy after the dialysis. He told me he was fine and he was asking me to drive him to Partas after dinner as he wants to go home to our province.  I was persuading him not to stress too much by traveling that night and I was offering to drive while we go to dinner. Stubborn as myself, he droved and I ride shotgun. He was showing so much strength for someone who have just gone dialysis, or maybe I was just expecting to see the worst.

We ate dinner at Yoshinoya Greenhills, from lack of choice and severe hunger. I barely finished my food. We talked about many things on what are the options for him and the consequences of these options. We talked about family, work and other things. When it was time to leave, I was still talking him up not travel tonight, but we still went to the bus station. As we arrived there, Papa’s cell phone rang, he answered it, he told me it was Mama. They talked a bit, he bluffed that I already left him in the bus station. After 3 minutes or so, he put down the phone and told me that he was scolded for being stubborn, haha! Ending we went home to Town, haha!

My VL Friday was really tiring. It was really an emotional, physical and mental roller coaster.  I was so tired physically, with all the patients that I saw with far worst than my fathers condition. I super feel for the patients in the Dialysis Center, but it made me appreciate more of what we have. We may not have enough financially, but we have support and prayers from our family and friends. I believe that all of hardships that we experience in life will shall pass in God’s time. Thanks for all of you who continue praying for my father. Please continue praying for him and for our family. Again SUPER THANKS! :)

 Excess: My VL is not yet approved until now, haha! But with or without pay, I will never regret my UNAPPROVED FRIDAY VL.

keeping the faith

My week started fine, coming from one of the worst week of my life I have decided to get up and stop crying. Last week I was crying every night to sleep, once I got a text message from someone in my family to join prayer meeting. Being raised as a Catholic, I was not comfortable in joining such groups. So I thanked the one who invited me and assured her that she has nothing to worry about my faith because it will not falter. I believe I have a strong relationship with GOD and I know prayers can do wonders.

Last Sunday, we went to mass in St. Pio Church in Libis. I joined my parents, not knowing where the church is. We arrived late, but in time for the sermon. As we entered the church, I noticed majority of the people who went to mass here were sick. There are old and not so old people in wheel chairs in front, babies with illness and other people who may not be physically sick but dying inside like me. The sermon was very beautiful and enlightening, the priest set examples that were common to all the attendees. Everyone was laughing and smiling. After sermon the mass proceeded as usual, the last blessing came. The priest went around blessing everyone with holy water, after that everyone lined up for the anointing of the oil.

We went home after the mass, and I am very happy to have experienced that kind of healing. I felt that everything will be alright, we just have to keep our faith to GOD. I feel very blessed that I was able to find solutions to my heartaches. My soul was revived in an instant, the feeling of depression and hopelessness was changed. I was really happy I joined my parents last Sunday mass, hopefully tomorrow I’ll wake up early to join them again.

how break my heart in thousand pieces…

It was last Tuesday afternoon when I received a text from Mama, confirming the result of the medical check-up of my father. Papa needs to undergo 2 times a week dialysis session, in preparation for the regular 3 times a week session. Upon hearing this not so good news I was really shocked and mortified. Thinking of our current situation, I can not picture what the future will have in store for us. In an instant tears fell from my eyes but since I am still in the office I need to control my emotions just to make it through the rest of the afternoon.

That afternoon passed like a blur, as soon as I was allowed to go home I stood up and went my way. At the shuttle I sat at the second row behind the driver seat, I plugged my ear phones just to calm me down as I travel. As the shuttle bus fills up, water wells up my eyes. I can’t seem to accept the fact the situation that we are about to go through. I need to be strong and need to work double time to help my parents to support Papa’s medication. Some people may not understand what I am feeling and I can’t blame them. Perhaps they do not feel the same thing about their parents. I may not be that close to my parents, but they are the reason I keep working my ass out everyday. We may not agree on certain things but damn sure I will give everything just to be with them more often. I know sometimes I may have taken them for granted and not tell them I love them more often, but I am trying my best to be the best daughter that I can be.

I started reminiscing the moments I spend with them, and all the sacrifices they made just to help me out.  Started over analyzing things and continued to cry in the corner. I did not mind if other people were looking at me, I just let all my emotions out. I can’t let my parents see me like this, so I used up my travel time to cry my heart out. As we reached Marcos Hi-Way, I was preparing myself to stop crying and to control my emotions when I get to talk to my parents.

I arrived home finally after an hour of traffic free travel. I saw Mama in the living room area, she was watching TV. I was surprised that I did not see any worry on her face. I ask where was Papa, she told me he was in the room. I went straight to his bedroom and saw him lying down watching some movie in HBO. I asked what did the doctor said to him, without looking away at the TV he just told me that he needs to have a twice a week dialysis session. Upon hearing this from him, I went out of the room and went straight to my room, again I was not able to held my tears, I cried. I was so sad that I can’t keep a straight face when I see something that reminds me of what is really happening. I wiped away my tears and went out of my room after 5 minutes, with blank expression I went to dinner and casually talked about the health issues of my father.

My parents were leaving that Tuesday evening to fix some things in our province. I am so worried about my father’s health that I find it hard to fall asleep that night. I really prayed hard, asking for help and guidance. I still can’t get over the fact that my father needs a donor for his failing kidneys. I want to help but how? I feel so helpless and all I can do was to pray that everything will be alright. We only have limited options on where to get a donor, limited to family and HOPE foundation. All we can do now is pray for a miracle to happen.

I cried myself to sleep that night, knowing for a fact that tomorrow will bring a new challenge for us as a family. I know everything will be alright. I still believe in the powers of prayers, God will deliver us from this problems unharmed. For my readers, please pray for my father’s full recovery. It will mean a lot to us, thank you very much!

XX. Now you know my secret on how to break my heart in thousand pieces… And yes I was crying as I wrote this blog…